How to use online hate comments to your benefit


Question From A Reader:

“I want to start my own YouTube and Instagram channels to post my pole videos, but I’m scared to death of getting mean comments from online trolls. Do you have any suggestions on moving past this fear of online bullies?”

Of course I have suggestions. This is gonna get a little deep.

Often I think if we can unpack and understand the behaviors of people, we can more confidently deal with them. Online bullying is real, and yes, if you post things online you may get trolls and haters. Although the majority of my comments from subscribers is positive, I do occasionally get a whack-ass comment from a weirdo online. 

You can handle it, though. Pole dancers deal with this stuff sometimes and you’re in good company.

In fact, it takes a certain type of gusto, a certain bravado to be a pole dancer. You’ve gotta have some pluck. Grit. Balls. (ahem, that’s ovaries, bro.) Whatever your favorite term for that spirit of unfuckablewithness is, use that.

Receiving troll comments is something you will have to accept if you’re going to put yourself out there. But this is also something that will make you stronger mentally and inspire you to be the best you can be at your craft.

Side note: I heard someone suggest that online bullying isn’t “real bullying”. 

Of course online bullying is real bullying. We are human beings and no matter what technology is invented, like literally every other thing in life, some of us are going to act like arrogant fools and others will act civilly. 

Ok, real talk though. 

If you are a person living your life authentically, you are going to have people that hate you. That’s the price to living an authentic life and it’s a price that most people are not willing to pay.

…but the alternative is being fake so that everyone loves you and then YOU’RE miserable. Bring on the haters, I got some cool shit to do and I’m not tryin’ to waste any time being “acceptable”.

…but the alternative is being fake so that everyone loves you and then YOU’RE miserable. Bring on the haters, I got some cool shit to do and I’m not tryin’ to waste any time being “acceptable”.

People love to wax poetic about how everyone should strive to "live authentically" but no one really talks about the fact that when you do that, you open yourself up to people that will strike at that vulnerability (and living authentically means being vulnerable). 

The upside to living a real life (meaning you are an outward expression of more than just your socially acceptable persona) is that you will have many people that adore you. And you must live authentically if you want to ever be happy. Being happy and being hated are not mutually exclusive.

We’ve gone from physical bullying to digital bullying because people feel more free to let their dark sides out online because it’s anonymous. It’s pathetic because these trolls in real life are most likely polite and “friendly” milquetoasts with their seething resentments hidden under their surface personas. 

I know you may be afraid to put your videos out in the world but you must try and remember how miserable and pathetic the haters actually are.

They literally feel miserable and pathetic. Try and envision the pathetic personality type that is making comments meant to hurt and destroy – if you really envision this, you won’t be as affected (or affected at all) by their terrible words. 

These types of personalities have always existed in our world, now they have a place to let their pent up resentments and insecurities out, unrestrained by responsibility and identity. Trolls are of the weakest beings because they betray their very identities and selves every time they make an anonymous hate comment.

So do your work. Get on that pole and film that shit. Practice not only your pole work but practice honing and strengthening your internal unfuckablewithness by posting your work on the internet. Be daring and actually be proud of who you are despite the fact that some people may hate on you or leave you nastygrams. The joke will be on them anyway because with every troll comment you receive, you’re only gonna get more resilient and ballsy.

Use everything that happens to you to your advantage.

And finally, a word to the haters:

If you’re going to hate online (or, to use Hater Logic “…just giving your opinion”), at least put the power of your actual name behind it so at least you can have some self-respect - no matter how paltry that respect actually is.